Tuesday, October 31, 2006


I need to chill out. I need to unlearn the feeling of being responsible and grown up. It has deprived me of the carefree child I used to be. And I don’t like myself like this. It’s not me. I believe it is imperative to be a responsible and level-headed individual, but for heaven’s sake!! Not all the time!! I worry, worry, worry, and often lose out on the moment.
I don’t want to turn into my grandmother. She is a great lady, extremely accomplished. But she worries about everything, all the time. She looks for reasons to be worried, as if her life has no meaning without it. I’m afraid I’m becoming like that, apprehensive, skeptical and pessimistic.

Perhaps, experience has molded me into what I am. I won’t say I’ve had all the problems in the world, no, in fact, I’ve been lucky. But in the past few months, since the time I’ve begun to live on my own, I have become a serious individual. I don’t like too much joking, am damn serious about my work inside and outside the classroom, and prefer to be home studying than to go out partying and drinking myself silly.
Have I become prosaic? Maybe not. Maybe it’s just relative. I have my own ways of having fun and letting my hair down. Perhaps I have my own style, which seems dull to others (and sometimes even to me), but which is a great stress-buster for me. There are days when I’m a social animal and days when I’m a recluse.

There are a lot of ‘perhaps’ and ‘maybes’ and ‘probably’s’ because nothing is certain or proven. I’m just following my stream of consciousness as I write this. Perhaps Virginia Woolf felt the same way as she tried to figure out her mind and the minds of others. The human mind is truly fascinating!


Anna said...

Hey Rags your right at times we get so caught up with work that we forget to relax...So just sit back and take it easy, You deserve it coz your working hard for it...And I so believe in the last line you wrote the human mind is indeed fasanating!!!!

ht_adducer said...

some cold and tenuous serenity with the hint of human psyche at the facade