Wednesday, November 19, 2014

No means no

When does a 'no' really mean a 'no'?
Is it the tone of voice that betrays or the glint in the eye? Or perhaps the softness in the face?
Can one be soft and still say 'no'?

Saying 'No!' has been a problem for sometime. That tendency to drift between 'no' and 'yes' sounds so familiar. Indecision. A conflict between good sense and frivolousness. You want it but you don't want it, yet you want it. Caught up in this garbled fog the word tumbles out clumsily - "no". Left to wonder what it really means.

Sometimes the intention is clear. 'No' means 'no', and that's it. It comes out with a hiss, and they slither away. No jokes, no play. Take the hint and go away.

Other times, you get carried away and never know when to say 'no' till it's too late. Left to pick up the shreds of your self respect. Cursing.

It takes courage. And knowing one's mind. They work together. What also helps is a carefree disregard of the intruder. If it is a persistent one, throw a big fat dictionary with the word 'no' marked in red. That ought to settle it. Sorry to disappoint you, but 'no' really does means 'no. 

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Losing my religion

That's me in the corner,
That's me in the spotlight,
Losing my religion,
Trying to keep up with you,
But I don't know if I can do it,
Oh no I've said too much,
I set it up....

I didn't even realise when it happened. Boom! One day it hit me. And then the questions began.
Who am I? What have I become? Is this for me or all for somebody else? Does he even see all this? Does he know? Does he appreciate? 

It's not nice. This place I'm at. A whirlwind in my head. Discomfort in my chest. Legs of lead. Nights devoid of blissful rest. 

It's a sinking boat I tell you. And I sit in it and watch the water gush in, little by little, taking me down bit by bit. I'm uncertain whether I want out. Should I jump into the wild sea and swim to an island? Or should I sit here and wait. To sink. Or will some "magic" save the boat, with one wonderful wave?

I close my eyes and the song plays in my head. Nobody is worth it. Nobody.    

Sunday, April 06, 2014

Staying away

Sometimes you got to stay away. Up close, the problem seem so massive and indomitable. Shakes you up. Unhinges your faith. And you are consumed, wholly and savagely.

That distance makes a difference. A few paces back and it all seems changed. That's because you finally let some air in between. Sweet air in empty space which might hold the key to your problem. Then the colours suddenly change before your eyes, thoughts take up a new drift and the mind gets busy to tackle.

This is the trust that we can put into that distance. And I hope, this time too it works like a charm.  

Thursday, January 09, 2014

Wrong or right, Let's have a fight!

Points can be pointless,
Just like arguments can be argumentative.
In the disturbing din, so much is missed, unseen, unnoticed.
Significant as it may be.
The mind shuts down.
The single purpose of life boils down to proving that you're right, as always.
Unseen, like crumpled sheets of rough paper love is swept away.
But then you're right and I'm wrong.
Or is it the other way around?