Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Who stole that smile?

She emptied out her bag. A jumble of objects toppled out noisily. Nope, not here. Looked into her cupboard, turned it inside out. Sat in the heap on the floor and sighed wearily.

"Where could it have gone?" Flipped through books, waded through the throng, searched the faces - familiar and strange. Nothing. Checked her pockets, shook her hair. No luck. Even the notes of her favourite song didn't bring it out of hiding.

She just couldn't find her smile. It had gone missing for a while. She couldn't even remember the last time she had held it. Distraught, she stepped out into the winter, hoping to bump into it again. That friend so old and deep.

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

The plight of the modern Indian woman in a relationship

(God help us)
We have seen our mothers and grandmothers (some even our great grandmothers) live through their relationships with their menfolk without burning the house down or severe bloodshed. Sure they had their share of trouble, but back then, there was no option but to 'woman up' and deal with it. Words like compromise and commitment held enormous weight and whether they liked each other or not, they made it work somehow.

Today's 'modern' Indian woman is in a soup. She has been in it for sometime, slowly brewing and shifting uncomfortably in what I can easily say is the biggest dilemma of this age. The clash of the traditional values of sacrifice, selflessness and unconditional love against the new-age independence, gender equality, sense of self and the need for ' personal space'.

"Okay so if I do the laundry, you cook," said many a new-age woman to her man. Life became easier since household chores were shared and she no longer was solely responsible for the chappatis or clean socks. She stopped changing her name and had a choice to never bear children. The in-laws took time to get used to the idea of their bahu acting a little 'alien', and actually preferring her powerpoint presentation over making laddus for their son (the shame!).

Travelling alone or with a friend (read - not lover) became a way of freeing oneself and proclaiming to the world an enjoyable non-adherence to stereotypes (main tumhare bina kahan jaaungi?). We take ourselves shopping, drive ourselves home and put off marriage till we're absolutely ready (and had our fun!).

In short, we've taken over what was rightfully ours and are having a party.

But do we feel totally triumphant? Let's take a look at our relationships with men. Hmmmmm.........
Not so good, eh? The neighbours probably take out their log book to make another entry every time the angry yells rise to the ceiling. We walk out of relationships as if it were a restaurant serving bad food. We break up a million times without thinking what it actually means. We know that if we leave, we're not helpless damsels in distress. "I can take care of myself. I don't need you!" said many a new-age woman to her man.

I hate to say it but here it is - the threads in the fabric of a relationship have weakened. They are beginning to wear out faster, leaving behind shreds and rags. Our new-found freedom may have come at a price - The inability to stick to our relationships, to stay happy and content with what we get from our better halves. To expect less. Now that we're up there, we want the world. The list of things we want from our men and relationships will probably finish off every piece of paper on Earth. We want. Sigh. Lots of wanting, lots of demanding, lots of unfulfilled expectations. Happiness quotient?

No, I am not saying that women don't walk out of relationships only for the wrong reasons. A lot of them deserve better and should find it. And then stick to it. That's the problem. The sticking. Neither am I sure about how men have evolved and deal with their relationships. Hence I'll refrain from making a comment. This one is not about them. It's about us.

Hence the terrible dilemma.

"I'm so mad at him....... but I want to make up now. Hmmmm....but if I make up, he'll think I'm giving in and more shit will come in the future. I don't take shit!........ But I love him and I know he meant well.....what to do?........Grrrrr."

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Fragrances

I was sitting at my desk today, designing a newsletter. The usual.

Suddenly I remembered the smell of new born puppies! You know when they've just come out from their mamas, groping their way around in this enormous world? Yeah, that smell. It stays with them for a few days making them more desirable to hold and hug. It might be the smell of milk or new motherhood, who knows. But I will never forget that smell, which was a small part of my vast childhood.

Interesting how these fragrances from the past suddenly dawn upon you bringing back a cart full of memories. You just cannot help but smile at them :)

Wednesday, April 01, 2015

Understanding Women

There is not a task more uphill than understanding women. I am a woman and I admit it.
Most times, I struggle to understand myself. And it is not surprising considering that spontaneous, reckless people seldom follow the same pattern. You never know what you're going to do next when you're in that zone.

The mind works in strange ways, the mysteries of which has and can never be solved. It's not that we are indecisive. That would be oversimplifying it. It goes deeper than that and just how deep, nobody knows. If you throw a stone into the pool of a woman's mind, you will not hear the splash, leaving you to wonder just how deep it goes.

We are never one person. Never. Some days we are honey and sugar and others, we can make you cry. There are hours of fear and then of courage and boldness. We fight, we make up. We fight, we make up. And we do both with an equal rigour. Complicated yes?

Flashes of thoughts, picture memories, decisions, resolutions, quiet reflections - can all co-exist together at the same time. Yes, this is humanely possible. We do it every day.

I empathize with men. Most expectations of understanding their women are laid at their door. Men are built differently. Their thought processes, behavioural patterns and actions differ from women, and since they are well versed with their own ways alone, some times they find it excruciating to put themselves in a pair of peep toes heels and walk through a woman's mind with the bleak hope of getting it right.

Perhaps some things are better left unexplained and not understood. Maybe that makes a woman's journey more intriguing, the 'not knowing'. Our quick minds can process information and analyse thoughts at top speed and even the computers of today are no match. Our brains have superpowers and scarcely do we realise it.

And just like a free spirited superhero, our minds will never follow a straight drawn line. There will be swivels, swooshes, deep dives, high rises and a tangled path of smoke behind us.

And just like a superhero, a woman's mind will never be conquered.    

Monday, February 16, 2015

Relationships! Bah humbug!


They can drive anybody batty. Fighting in a war, walking on hot coal, jumping off the thirteenth floor, climbing two hundred stairs and battling jaundice - all come second and so on, on the list of most difficult things to survive.

You want it, yet you loathe it at times, which leaves you feeling increasingly confused with what you want in life. Since there are two sides to every story, and two strong arguments to present in the court it gets muddled up even further. One never knows who was right or who was wrong. It becomes a battle for correctness, for superior judgement and virtue - but it results in a drawing room through which a herd of elephants have just passed.

You want it, you don't want it. You want it, you don't want it. And it goes on. It is a terrible plight to be in, and takes up way too much time in the super busy lives that we lead. There is less time for relationships, and far less for arguments and unnecessary conflict. Well, all conflict is unnecessary. Perhaps we will understand this someday.

Even this post is so confused. Point proved.    

Monday, January 19, 2015

If they don't want to, they won't

It has taken me 30 years to understand people, and believe me, I'm still quite far behind. People are complex creatures - each with a different perspective, personality and psychology. For years I believed that if you are good to others, they will be the same; if you are friendly, it shall be reciprocated; if you stand up for somebody, they will stand up for you. How naive.

It took some rude shocks to send me hurtling into reality. And what a painful lesson! It seems that the way of the world is, if you lend a hand, two things can happen. First, they climb up your shoulders and sit there, waiting for another opportunity to ascend higher. Second, they take you for granted. Of course, this is not the rule, but oh so common.

People can lead to a sad disenchantment. Giving too much importance to them is disastrous. Keeping away, too lonely.

The biggest lesson is - if they don't care a damn about you, they won't.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

I'm back

After a long sabbatical from writing (quite unintentional though!), I am making a comeback. My crazy mind needed to write back then, and it still does. A bit rusty and jumbled up, words flow out with less ease these days. The vocabulary has taken a hit too. All those wonderful words my brain carefully saved in its memory disk, now fading. Poor thing. To remedy this, regular reading also makes way into the agenda.

Perhaps all this has something to do with the new year 2015. I won't call it a resolution because I have been a victim of shaky resolves in the past (guilty!). I would just call it an endeavour to get back to doing what made me happy and kept me sane. Writing.

And thanks for the additional push, SK!