Jinxing your own happiness

For once I'd like to be happy openly.

Free from the fear of fate turning tables on me.

Or being woken up from a splendid dream only to realise it was all a mirage.

To be able to admit it to myself, not only in the deep recesses of my heart, but in spoken word.

For once.

Fate waits to pull one on me every now and then.

I think she envies me.

Envies the spots of sunshine that light me up,

Finding their way through broken cracks in an overcast firmament.

When I laugh, she winces.

When I dance starry-eyed, she sets her foot out to trip me.

She does not like me, and my moment of glee.

I hold no grudges.

All I feel is sad acceptance.

And so, I must learn to hide.

Hide from the world my delight,

The throbbing of an excited heart,

The racing pulse,

The promise of rain after a century of drought.

Keep it safe, tucked away.

Invisible, even to my eye.

I wish I could flee from fate's little game.

And claim my share of laughter and promise, fearlessly.

But the game goes on.

Whether I play or not.