Tuesday, January 26, 2010

25

The quarter life crisis as they call it. What does it mean? Is my life really divided in parts? Has anything changed since I leapt from the other side of the cliff to this one? Have I become older? Will the aging process that most of us live in dread of, begin showing its ugly signs? Will I lose my youthfulness, my spirit, that spring in my step, my valued spontaneity? Will I now start thinking twice before doing what I like doing? Is now the time for marriage proposals to come streaming in, making me uncomfortable? Am I marked out more visibly now as a ripe (soon to be over-ripe) product in the market? Is my new name 'aunty' till the day I die? Will my pride in my sexuality and the expression of it now be seen as horny, sleazy and slutty?

I ponder. It frightens me sometimes, thinking of how things will tranform. How my skin will sag, how my knees will give in and I will be able to run or dance no more. How I shall be expected to dress according to my age - in dull pastel shades of sarees and salwar kameezs - whether I like it or not. If I don't marry till I'm 30, will I be shoved into the 'unwanted woman' drawer, where perhaps many files will be lying just like mine? If I flirt with boys younger to me, will I be called 'Desperate Aunty' and if they flirt with me and I welcome their interest, will I be tagged as a paedophile? If I squeeze into that tight dress and go clubbing, dancing with a glass of rum in my hand, will I seem disgraceful and dishonourable? What if I'm 35 and alone? No love, no companionship, and most of all, no space for a grown up woman to be herself and to hold on to her youth, slipping from her wrinkly fingers. What if being young is a characteristic trait and not a phase of life? What if she can still enjoy an ice cream at 40 and yearn for it like a child? How can you extract that trait as you age when it's a part of you? Then it probably just trickles down to a battle against societal norms to defend something that it savours taking away from you - the privileges of the young.

I am scared. But what comforts me is that I'm not the only one out here.

8 comments:

R said...

I am two years away, I wouldn't know what you are talking about.

Gowri said...

Wow....that's a beautiful and honest expression....I'm glad you wrote it

Babushka said...

don't let the 25 quarter life thing get to you... things happen, life involves taking it all headfirst and dealing with it - sometimes falling, sometimes not. but mostly, it involves living it.

Maryann said...

Oh Rags, you're as young as you feel!! It's all in the mind, look at women like Shobhaa De, she's 60 plus but comes across as youthful as you and me. Now lift your chin up and smile :)

indianyogi said...

WEL CUM TO DIS SIDE

I BET ITS MORE FUN

U WILL AGREE WITH ME 10 YEARS LATER

blinded blue teddy said...

hahahaha!!! i like indianyogi's comment! :P

now..
age is just a bloody number. you do EXACTLY what you want to do, cause its YOUR life. and why are you assuming that you'll be alone?
when you find that someone, you're gonna feel so bad that you wasted so much time worrying about it!
and finding THAT person is not the important thing, the important thing is to be comfortable with yourself, and be yourself as long as you live!

p.s. you can legally drink in delhi!

Ragini said...

Hahahahahaha!!! Thanks guys for enjoying this one.
Most times I forget I'm 25 and simply act like a 12 year old!

Thanks Indian yogi. That makes me feel much better.

Push, I started drinking when I was 20. Don't need no law ;)

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