A Single Car goes Far
I've been single for 1 year, 6 days now. I must say it left me quite a wreck. Crying into my pillow every night helped me save on water and detergent, while cleansing my vision of all toxins and dust particles that may have gathered in the course of the day. Thank God for my naturally jovial countenance, I could manage to escape uncomfortable questions and excessive condolensces, that only etched the word 'widow' into my forehead. Basketball helped of course, it always does. Better than any counselling or movie or party. When I played, I ONLY played. The past, present and future blurred away and only the basket remained with clear, defined outlines.
A common post-break-up tendency is to reach out to another specimen of the opposite sex to perhaps replace the lost one. Well, I gave it a few shots, but it didn't really turn out to be as soothing as I'd expected.
I love time. What a wonderful doctor! You don't have to do anything and it gradually rubs out the sharp edges till they become blunt and eventually fade into the background. Other things come to the fore and a transition of focus and perspective happens. The smile becomes more real and the sparkle in the eye reappears, just as the laughter reaches a crescendo again. Life becomes green. Fertile, promising, exciting and sunny.
Ok, now time's done something funny. I have been an unrelated observer of great woe and misery. Woe and misery of those who are "double." Fights, long-distance tensions, insecurities, "if you don't talk to me every night, I'll be angry" attitudes, "why're you talking to your ex-s, I want you to stop this minute" arguments and so on. I have, in some instances, been called to unfurl the white flag of peace in the midst of a fiery couple on the verge of disaster; not a very smooth situation. I have carefully surveyed the loss of individual freedom when 2 people become "double." Activities like reading, hanging out with friends, going off alone on short trips, making decisions for yourself, and 500 other things that one used to do before jumping down the well, are rubbed out from the calendar of life. The oldest of friends lose first place to someone known for 5 months, who'll probably cause more pain than all your friends put together in a lifetime. Priorities jump onto a rollercoaster and emerge dishevelled and well, different.
It's quite fascinating how this happens. And you know that funny thing that time has done? Well, the formless entity has dug up the sand on the beach of singlehood and made me a delightfully comfortable hole to rest in. Here, I lie. In the complacent shadow of a coconut tree, with the breeze dancing in my hair. And I look out at those poor souls in the waters of "doublehood," struggling to keep afloat, not knowing whether to move their arms or to breathe. Luckily, some have learnt the art and have found a raft to sail away on towards the orange sunset. But most, are still hitting the liquid, which threatens to suck them into nothingness.
I sit and watch, taking occasional sips from my tumbler of iced tea. I see more, hear more, taste more, feel more and touch more, because I'm alone, alone with these sensations. My solitude gives me moments when I can 'sense' and experience things which could've otherwise been lost, had my attention been rivetted by another equally clueless human.
A man walks by and winks at me. I wink back and smile. I allow him to sit with me for a moment. And then I send him off. Because I choose to.
Unfettered am I, the thrill and the power,
Trust me O fellows, a single car goes far.